PNN - The Panic News Network
9/11/2006
  Not all remembered on 9/11

On the anniversary on the 9/11 attacks, some people are upset that their loved ones are not being remembered. Family members of the men who commandeered and piloted the two planes that hit the twin towers on September 11, 2001 are angry because their loved ones names are not being read along with the names of the other 9/11 victims that are being read aloud today at ground zero.

“It is a disgrace to my boy, and to almighty Allah himself!” said Flafel Atta, mother of 9/11 hijacker Mohammad Atta. “He became a martyr on that day, and should be honored as such,” she said from an undisclosed cave somewhere in the Middle East. She also went on to say “My son should be at the top of the list. After all, it was his meticulous planning that made that day possible.”

 
9/09/2006
  Big changes at "mouse" network


The ABC television network has caved in to democratic party pressure to edit their made for TV movie "Path to 9/11" and make it more Clinton-friendly. They have also changed their name and logo (seen left) to reflect their way operating. They will henceforth be known as DBC, the Democrat Broadcasting Company. They have also decided to ditch "Mickey Mouse" as their corporate mascot, and have replaced him with a more realistic icon. "Lapdog Robert" will make his debut sometime next week at a press conference hosted by network CEO Robert Iger. No word if Howard Dean or Bill Clinton will be present to have their balls licked by the new mascot, but word is that they will attend, bearing scrotum.
 
9/08/2006
  Path to 9/11 is a path to court

Rotund filmmaker michael moore has filed suit against the ABC television network claiming patent infringement over their film “Path to 911”. Moore claims that he holds the sole patent of constructing films that make George W. Bush look bad, and never licensed the process to the network. ABC says that moore’s claim is without merit because their film concentrates on making former president Bill Clinton look better than he actually was. No word on a court date.

 
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